Stop Hitting Yourself! Stop Hitting Yourself!

“What we've got here is...a failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men.”--- “Boss”

I used to be a democrat. Moreover, I used to be proud of the fact that I was a Democrat. But as I watch Howard Dean assume leadership of the party I used to call my home, I look back at this admission with the same revulsion and regret as if I had slept with a fat chick. What the hell was I thinking?
Although the Democratic Party pushed me away in the aftermath of 9/11, I am embarrassed it took so long for me to leave. I was like a battered woman that wouldn’t leave her abusive husband. Like battered women, all I could remember were the good times, like when JFK pledged:
Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
When some Democrats opposed the invasion of Afghanistan I told myself, “they don’t really mean it.” When Nancy Pelosi became the House Whip in 2002, I thought to myself, “Maybe I’m to blame.” My conservative older brother would plead with me to leave, but I told him, “It’s really our fault. We centrists just haven’t done enough for the left. We deserve this.”
Yet, the more I watched Democrats criticize the War on Terror, and the manner in which Bush was handling it, I realized that for many in the Democratic Party, winning votes was more important then winning wars. With a heavy heart I packed my bags and left for the GOP.
As the 2002 election returns came in, I realized I wasn’t alone. The Democrats were beaten like a redheaded stepchild. I thought they would learn their lesson.
The nomination of John Kerry proved they didn’t. Especially when you realize he was nominated on the basis that he was “electable.” I guess the DNC forgot that he compared our military to the hordes of Genghis Khan, or maybe it was that his competition was Al Sharpton.
While watching Jimmy Carter and Michael Moore schmooze at the convention, it hit me; the Democratic Party is led by masochists. It’s not that they haven’t learned from their previous defeats; it’s that like Marv Albert in bed, they enjoy being tied up and whipped. How else could you explain the Presidential hopes of Dennis Kucinich? What has become of the Democratic Party is a sad sight, but it has been entirely self-inflicted. Relegated to inner cities, New England, and California; Democrats no longer have national appeal. And until they take the ball gag out of their mouths and adopt a centrist platform, the Republicans will continue to crack the whip. YESSS!!